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Tag Archives: Friends

2015: One Amazing Dicksucker, Not Much Else.

2015: One Amazing Dicksucker, Not Much Else.

I’ve been coping, mainly.  Sometimes there are hours where I think I am going to be fine, and other times I think to myself “what the fuck am I doing?”  One of them is “Mr. Homeless,” because he is the ultimate “what the fuck?”  The other day he asked me to help him get a phone because he started a new job, and needed one.  I was reluctant to help him, because frankly he doesn’t want a relationship with me and see’s me as more of an ATM. I’ve been “here” before, this unlimited supply of resources when people need help.  However, when it comes to investing in me in a relationship or what-not, I am completely not an option.  This rule applies to “Mr. Homeless” who will quickly, and without hesitation take off his pants and request that I service him, but won’t fucking touch me and acts so emotionally null and void that sometimes I feel like I’ve slipped him a roofie. I have given up hope that love, REAL LOVE, will find me.  In fact, I have all but erased the possibility out of my mind. I also feel like I am getting fat again, which is strange.  I feel bloated, bizarre, and continue to watch my stomach as I feel it is expanding – even though the scale maintains my weight that I have had for some time, without fail.  I think it’s in my head, maybe – or it could be a reality, I am ... Read More »

2015: Wow, I Was Fucked Up.

2015: Wow, I Was Fucked Up.

First of all, I am going to expose “HIM” to everyone now, because it’s high time that I air out some very dirty laundry. His name is Rion, not RYAN but Rion.  He’s a young immature punk who, for the record, has had a considerable hold on me since I met him back in February or March of last year.  He came over to my house with his girlfriend, and basically made the moves on me in a strange “secret” way while they were dating.  He was unhappy with her, said he didn’t care about her, said he wanted to be with me – and I took the bait like an ignorant fool, and it has only caused me tremendous pain. I can say this now, ultimately, because I am no longer living with false expectations, in fact, he reared his ugly head to his ex-girlfriend yesterday and I got a screenshot of his message sent to her, which read: My response to this madness was in the form of a text message to her, because I felt bad that he said that: Just read rions message to you, I read between the lines. This is his way of trying to say “look at me” and “I’m happy, let me gloat. ” The sad reality is he has nothing to back that up, no job, no car, the friends who laugh and his “girl” support him. He was the best thing for you? In what century does a person who ... Read More »

Pounds Ago: Day Nineteen (Come, January.)

Pounds Ago: Day Nineteen (Come, January.)

I WELCOME THEE THE NEW YEAR, 2015!  Drift sweetly into my arms, and hold me tight like a frail piece of paper, containing a love poem, in a strong wind of change. whatever.  Hurry the fuck up already New Year, I’m sick of 2014.  You’ve brought me a lot of pain, ’14.  I’m not sure if ’15 is going to be any easier, but dammit – you better fucking make it at least bearable. Heh, I said “bear.” Indeed this year better bring me the following list of things: 1. My health.  I am sick of this abdominal pain, so please escort it out.  If it’s cancer, cure it.  If it’s some kind of infection, heal it.  But lingering pain, it must retreat!  GO PAIN, be gone with you, my fucking life is being slowed down from progress because of ye! 2. Quit using words like ye. 3. Back to the gym, my friend. Oh yes, once I get medically cleared to return to the gym – we gonna crush some weights, get pumped, and won’t look back.  Seriously though, I’ve lost a lot of weight, and was doing weights on Monday/Wednesday/Friday – so it’s time to get better, and get back!  YOU CAN CRUSH THIS MOFO! 4. Find a best friend, lover, partner.  He will come this year, um, I just fucking know it.  Either that or I am becoming a monk and mastering the art of cheese-making. 5. Be kinder to others and yourself, you are the only ... Read More »

Pounds Ago: Day Fifteen (Christmas Catfish Tales)

Pounds Ago: Day Fifteen (Christmas Catfish Tales)

Last Christmas I celebrated my liberation from my ex.  After a long 10 years of drug abuse, alcoholism, and dealing with his mental illness… and this year I have completely changed because of it.  Of course, I am not celebrating today, I got on the scale and picked up four pounds from somewhere – probably water weight, but still – to me, and in my head, four pounds is like a huge bad thing. I dislike failure, to a fault.  I hate things that do not go my way, and I constantly strive for perfection. What is perfection?  To me that is continually seeing progress, and not experiencing setbacks.  Perfection isn’t anything more than honesty with life, love, and the triumphs from hard work and successes that we create.  It’s the bind between what is right, justified, and earned.  We see very little of that in this world today, because a great majority of people have a pathetic work ethic. People don’t want to work, they talk about their dreams and goals, but never do anything about it.  To a fault, life plays a huge factor in that, and since I haven’t “had a life” this year, I have been able to focus primarily on me – a selfish statement when I say it out loud, but one that was long – LONG overdue.  I wanted to recap my year as a whole here, since it’s coming to a close – and to point out both the good and the ... Read More »

Pounds Ago: Day Thirteen (199lb Victory)

Pounds Ago: Day Thirteen (199lb Victory)

I went to my Mom’s today and stepped on her scale, and it read 199lbs.  That is the first time in a LONG time that I haven’t been in the 200lb range, and I don’t know what to think about it.  Most people would rejoice, scream even in happiness, if their weight loss goals were surpassed by about 20lbs – but for me, I am anxious.  When I speak of being fat, or “fat people” I do not want any of my readers to take offense – I have learned that once weight loss occurs, the “fat” mentality is never gone, I see myself as overweight still – and I still FEEL overweight.  It’s a weird mind trick the body plays on a person, and it is one of the primary causes for a person to have — in short — anorexia. I use the phone app “MyFitnessPal” to track my daily nutrition, and the app keeps telling me that I am not eating enough.  1,500 calories per day – that isn’t a lot, but it is my budget. The app is working, it works, I am on the daily budget religiously and I continue to lose weight outside of the break I am forced to take from the gym.  That is a good thing, right?  I think so, and everyone else seems to think so as well – no Big Macs for me, no matter how bad I miss them.  Yes, I do truly miss them. My friend told ... Read More »

A REAL MAN WANTED: APPLY WITHIN

A REAL MAN WANTED: APPLY WITHIN

At the beginning of February, I posted on my Facebook a graphic which said “18 days” and left it pretty vague.  It was an obscure message for me to post, while secretly I was planning on suicide.  Scary, because I didn’t tell anyone.  I didn’t hint at it, or cry out for attention.  I just planned it.   I was going to save up all of my medication, and take it all at once, a lethal combination which would have killed me in my sleep.  I basically had it all mapped out, cleaned out my closets, threw away a lot of crap, and set up various scripts from my website server that would send out message to people after it was all over with. I didn’t want to go on anymore, being out of a 10 year relationship and sitting at home alone was pretty rough.  I missed someone to talk to, and basically got tired of cleaning a house that was never getting messy anymore.  So, I re-arranged furniture, hung new pictures, and totally remodeled my apartment.  New curtains were installed, a home alarm, cable, the list is endless.  I still wasn’t happy in my own home.  I was bored.  I was lonely.  I felt lost.  So, I decided that with all the stress from my job at AT&T (which I recently quit) and with my future looking limited, I would just die.  I know people are going to read this and think, “well, why didn’t you do it?” ... Read More »

Out With The Old. In With The New.

Out With The Old. In With The New.

I thought I could never be extremely happy, because I hadn’t been in a very very long time.  I had been held back so badly by anti-social associations, and wasn’t able to recognize how bad that behavior indeed was.  I had been held back from advancing my skills from a dead end job working at AT&T DSL Technical Support in Louisville, Kentucky, and had become used to the unprofessional bullying that took place there. I am not a victim, however, because I have completely transformed my life.  I am now happy. Let me start by saying that toxic people in your life are hard to remove.  I am not going to say that the entire past 10 years were horrible, I had some really great times, but I was willing to stay in a toxic relationship and that clouded my judgement.  I am sure I will get some backlash for this, but I legally can say what I want about this particular relationship – after all, it was mine.  I did love him very much, and cared for him – but I could not handle the emotional rollercoaster that I was riding, and had to end everything.  I feel much better now, and I wish him the best. AT&T was the most unprofessional job I have ever had.  I started there in 2009, and was told that if I worked hard that I would advance.  My Manager at the time (was and still is) a model human being, with a ... Read More »

GooseTheArtist.com

GooseTheArtist.com

John Faughender is an amazing artist, and recently I was honored to create his website!  Here is his biography along with the site link, and I encourage you to check out his webstore! I got my start when I was 5 drawing Spider-Man which quickly escalated in me making comics of my own. Not long after that I began practicing portraiture at a young age using the realistic techniques from that in more conceptual, dark and politically themed works. I have studied at Butler High School, Art Academy of Cincinnati and The Kentucky Center Governor’s School for the Arts. I am currently in my senior year of high school. Big things to come. Mark James on John Faughender – ”As a gallery owner, I have young people approach me regularly, wanting me to recognize their talent as the next great artist. I patiently explore their work, and offer what critique i can to help them grow. The critique is more often than not received as a rejection. I was introduced to John Faughender by a mutual friend who raved about him enough that I had my expectations set on more of the same. John arrived with a prepared portfolio, and the ability to discuss his art both conceptually and technically. As we explored his presentation, I came to see that John really had the potential to achieve greatness. My gallery focuses on finding artists that want to produce shows making relevant social commentary more so than technically adept pretty pictures or accessory ... Read More »